The Crystal Maze: episode one of the TV revival sees Richard Ayoade shepherd celebrity guests

The presenter is even better than hoped, says Toby Earle
Come what maze: Richard Ayoade presents the new series of The Crystal Maze which kicks off with a celebrity special
Channel 4
Toby Earle23 June 2017

The number of times I’ve refused the offer of a late night off-books session at a boozer, curtains pulled tight and door bolted, can be traced back to watching a certain showman wreathed in leopard-skin entice volunteers into a series of traps.

Failure to solve these puzzles would mean imprisonment and the fate I feared - a lock-in.

At the mention of a ‘lock-in’ at a pub, I’d hear the distant sound of a harmonica and my skin would assume the texture of a shell-suit. I’d leave immediately, crawling through the nearest tunnel to freedom.

As an owner of dice with more than six sides and rules on how to behave in fictional dungeons, for me The Crystal Maze was a fantastical realm made real, plywood magicked into ancient Aztec stone.

Richard O’Brien’s sly carnival ringmaster and the show’s imagination was rapture; how I envied those brave and regrettably-attired adventurers unpicking riddles, which ranged in difficulty from ‘PhD in Game Theory’ to ‘JUST SAY YOUR NAME OUT LOUD, DAVE! SAY… NO, DON’T TOUCH THAT. JUST SAY YOUR… DAVE! DAVE! LISTEN! SAY YOUR NAME OUT LOUD’.

Gradually, over time, The Crystal Maze and I drifted apart, but its initial return with Stephen Merchant last year stirred old feelings deep within my Industrial zone.

The news that Richard Ayoade was the new Maze Meister promised a return to the show’s glory days, his tendency to disassemble a medium’s format is the fourth-wall blurring approach suited to ribbing this grand illusion.

On the evidence of this first excursion the casting of Ayoade is even better than hoped, his labyrinth king persona gently haughty and sardonic, a demeanour which extends to the use of a golden hand to touch and guide contestants.

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This first episode is a challenge for Ayoade too, it's as if producers invited Louie Spence to leap into a jumpsuit deliberately to test his skill at herding extroverts.

Control Spence, without resorting to a cattle prod, and your composure is as serene as Donald Trump’s Twitter account when he’s asleep.

​Ayoade is naturally the opposite of an Elizabethan’s neck – unruffable. Contestants are used to riff in unpredictable directions, his deadpan speed meaning their enthusiasm and morale is kept simmering, even when they have less precious crystals than millennials, who waste all their money on avocados.

All that’s left to be said of this funny and whimsical revival is this – what a Doctor Who Ayoade would be.

The Crystal Maze Celebrity Special is on tonight at 9pm on Channel 4.

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